A mistake surfaces. Feedback lands badly. Someone raises a concern the leader did not want to hear. The content of what is said in that moment matters less than what the leader's face, tone and next question communicate about whether raising it was worth it.
Defend or justify, and the lesson lands immediately: raising this again will cost something. Take notes, clarify, and ask what is next, and the lesson lands just as fast: this was worth saying.
None of this is a grand gesture. It is a small, ordinary, repeated moment, which is exactly why it is powerful, and exactly why it is so often missed.
Most leaders would describe themselves as open to hearing hard things. Their teams are usually working from different evidence: what happened the last three times someone tried.
Three things to try next time
- Thank the information before you judge it. "Thanks for raising that. Tell me more." It buys you time and tells the person they did the right thing.
- Ask one question before giving your view. "What have you seen that I might not have?" Your view can wait thirty seconds. Theirs might not come back.
- Close the loop. "Here's what I'll do with that, and when you'll hear from me." People keep speaking up when they can see it went somewhere.
Leaders shape what their team is willing to say far less through what they announce than through what they repeatedly do in the moments that matter.
Carly Adamson, Registered Psychologist, HumanMetrics